EO had to take my mom to her doc apts. and shopping for her.  Plus he was going to take a little time and visit Carol.  I have no idea what the kids are up to today... well, I know Lauren has to work, but I don't know what time Steph works today.  Colton doesn't have school today.

I am just going to tend to a little bit of laundry today. I was thinking, I would so love to have some time off from being sick.  To just be out of the house and talking with people face to face. I'm not saying my family does't talk to me, but it is hard to pray for others when you have no idea what is going on in their lives that they could use the extra prayers.  I need to be thinking about what others are going through.  I need to be able to not be so self absorbed in our own problems and trials and tribulations.  I need the mental break from us because it is just over whelming me.  Between, being sick, and Carol's battle and missing Kelly and family stuff and my mom's deterioration... I need a mental break of it all.

I had hoped that talking with the friends at the assembly would have given me what I needed to think about others.  But everyone I talked to wanted to talk about Carol and our kids.  I tried asking how they were doing and what was going on with them... but everyone just said... "oh, well I am not going through anything like you are".  and then they just asked more questions about our family.  Oh well, i guess they needed what I needed, or IDK.  Their concern was very sweet.  But now I feel like all I did was talk about us and I hate doing that.  

I remember how sick my dad was from the Chemo, and I can't bring myself to think about what Carol is going through. The doc did say for a few days after the treatment, it was going to be rough on her. Then just as it is starting to let up and she has one or two days where she is fairly stable, then she will get another treatment.  My dad didn't stay on Chemo because of how brutal it was on him.  So I am reliving my worst nightmare, watching her go through this.  The thing about cancer is, it doesn't just rip the life out of the one that is infected one piece at a time, but it brutally crushes the hearts and hopes of the loved ones of the infected one.

my heart hurts