Everyone seems to be having a tough time.  Really tough.  Carol first went to the ER Aug 15th.  Right from the start they suspected it was cancer, but the official confirmation came on the 19th when she met Dr. Evans.  After draining the fluid, Carol came back home on the 20th.  She was so so so sick and had to go back up to the ER on the 25th because of dehydration and the fluid building back up and nausea.  She stayed in the hospital until she had her surgery on the 28th.  After the surgery the fluid continued to build up.. but this wasn't the cancer fluid it was the fluid from the surgery and on Sept 4th she got the wound vac machine and was transferred to the Villa Marina in Superior.  On the 12th she ended up having two doc apts, which were physically demanding on her.  The 17th was her dental apt.  Carol hasn't seen her home since the 25th, which is 25 days now.  And it has been 36 days since this has been going on.  (not counting the many weeks she has been sick before going to the Hospital the first time)

Just about every day EO has been up there to see her and he is trying to spend as much time with his dad as he can in between work and everything else.  Not one in the family has good health... Well, Colton is about the healthiest, not counting his torn muscle right now.

Every day we ask for the strength to endure, the energy to keep going, for a calm heart and mind and the wisdom to figure out what we need to do next.  The past few days EO has really been stressed.  B&C are tired and both are having a tough time.  She is 70, he is 80... they don't have the energy for this and it is wearing them out.  She hasn't been well enough to come home, week after week, it gets pushed back.  It gets discouraging.  

Hertzners are still going through a lot.  Dianne is improving, but it is VERY slow, like Carol...too slow.  Hertzners still have another problem as well... I still haven't heard anyone else announce it, so I won't say what yet.  But I can only imagine the stress isn't helping Dianne at all!  So we continue to pray for them as well.  

I am feeling better today than yesterday.  I am trying to be positive and supportive of EO.  He is just kind of at a loss, he knows what he wants to do, but, his parents have to make their decisions for themselves.  Just like they have never made decisions for us, we have to extend them that same courtesy.  They aren't children, we can't dictate their lives.  I would gladly have them move in with us, or we with them so that we could be there for them.  But I am sure they would hate that.  I have no idea how EO would feel about that either.  It was hard to watch my dad die a little each day and it happened so fast.  One week he could walk on his own, the next week he struggled, the next week he used a cane, the next week he used a walker, the next week he was in a wheel chair and the last 2-3 weeks he was bed ridden, and then he was gone.  He had only had one (maybe two) treatments of Chemo, but he was so violently ill from it, that he refused to have anymore treatments.  It was throughout this whole body, the chemo wouldn't have helped anyways, and that was over 30 years ago, they have come a very long ways in treatments since then.  I know EO can't handle seeing any of his family sick.  So living with them???

As for what we are going to do, I told EO, as long as we know what the options are, we just have to wait and see how she handles the Chemo, and then we will go from there.  It is hard not to worry, but worrying will only make you sicker.  I think that is part of the reason he has these building projects that he is doing, to keep his mind busy.  Steph says she could go a couple times a week to clean house or shop or do whatever they might need when she does get to come home.  Or even now,  if Bill wanted the help.  I know Deenie has been taking care of things at the house, but I know it is tough on her when she has been running so much too.  Lauren said she could go once a week to clean or whatever for an hour or so as well.  If the girls could do some of that, then that would free Deenie up to help Carol with personal care.  Being a caregiver is SO HARD when it is your own family.  I did it with my dad, and then later with my mom, until I wasn't well enough to do it anymore.  Actually, I still do to a certain degree.   There was another lady I helped take care of for a few months.  That wasn't as hard, because she wasn't family.  I didn't find it stressful, but then I didn't do it everyday, like I did with my parents.  

One thing I learned is you have to stick to your schedule.  Even if they are family...even more so if they are family... You have to have a fixed schedule.  If you say you will be there every Wed at 2pm... you can't be late or switch days.  A sick person can't handle someone who doesn't "let your yes mean yes and your no mean no".  I had to teach that to the kids to when they started taking care of Grandma and me (and the other ladies Lauren took care of).  EVEN more so, when they are family, you work harder, because you NEVER EVER take advantage of the family you are caring for, just as you wouldn't with a worldly person.  NEVER say "they won't care if I don't do what they need".  The fact is, sick people do stress about the things they can't do anymore.  They are feeling humiliated and low, that they can't take care of what they have been responsible for doing for years.  To have someone come in and help... and then they don't actually help, causes the sick person frustration.  Frustration and stress will only make them weaker.  Being sick, stinks!!!  We have tried to teach our kids to have compassion for others.  It is easy to say "I will do ...this and this and this and this", but one person can't do it  all when it comes to caring for someone who is sick.  It takes a team.  Right now, my mom has 7-9 people who do things to help her each week.  That number will be going up.  It is understandable being she has one arm and hand that doesn't hardly work anymore and her one leg that doesn't work at all and the other leg that she uses to pivot on isn't letting her pivot.  I have 4 people taking care of me, but I can still use my limbs.  We are going to need all the help we can get to get. 

Well, we will just keep Hoping in Jehovah!






UPDATE***************

The nursing home called... The nurse says she thinks Carol has internal bleeding as she has been vomiting all day.  They are rushing her to the ER.  Kim picked up Deenie and Bill.  EO left and Colton and Lauren are leaving right now to go up to the hospital.  Steph is here, and might go up later.  They all took clothes with them as this might be an all night ordeal.  If I learn anymore, I will post updates.

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They think the vacuum tube machine wasn't working. That it might not be bleeding but fluid building up. Which would explain the vomiting. The meds are helping with it too.  They don't have all the answers yet but they admitted he back to the same room as last time. EO will stay with Bill tonight and take him back up in the morning. Lauren is staying the night with Carol.  And Colton is going to work for EO tomorrow so that he can tend to Bill.