Blue Mountains, Jamaica
(I really miss Kelly)

I didn't post anything the other day about my dad, I thought about it a number of times, but I was having such a rough day that day, i couldn't talk about it.  It has been 32 years now, sometimes I just can't wrap my head around how long he has been gone when the day he died feels like it was yesterday.  I miss him so much. It just makes my heart ache so deeply. It never gets any easier.  The only one who has ever been there for me all 32 years is Jehovah.  He has listened and comforted me where ever I have been and whenever needed Him, even when I didn't need Him.  From time to time friends or family have tried to be supportive, but they get tired of hearing about it.  Or they are to busy or they have their own problems to deal with or they just haven't known what to say.  And sadly a few have said some really hurtful things.  Jehovah has never hurt me or been too busy to listen.  I learned this early and I am sure this is why He has always been the one I talk to first and sometimes He is the only one I do talk to.  He always finds a way to give me an answer when I need one, or corrects me or comforts me.  I may have lost my dad, but I gained a real Father.  
 
I haven't recovered much from being so swollen yesterday. I am pretty swollen still and sore too.  I spent most of yesterday in bed as I couldn't handle moving at all, and I think this is what today will be like as well.  Oh joy.  It hurts madly to wear my headphones today.  I just can't find a position that doesn't kill.  I use them for my bible reading, or reading anything on the JW.org site or for listening to music.  My speakers just stink so I it is hard to use them.  I have borrowed Lauren's little speakers, but they aren't great, but at least I can get the volume up higher than what my computer goes to.  

Colton leaves tonight.  He takes off at 9:30pm and lands in the cities at 12:15am.  Joey will leave after the meeting to go pick him up. So I think we will get to see him tomorrow.  As I am only guessing he will want to spend the day with his friends... although maybe he will spend a couple of days with them, I really don't know.  I know sometime in the next few days we should see him.  He sure has enjoyed this trip.  We are just so glad he was able to go. He needed it.

I wish I have felt good enough to be outside and enjoying this weather.  It has just been so beautiful out.  Our driveway is almost dry, just a few soft spots along the edges.  The snow had just dropped so much, it isn't going to be long before it is all gone.  Spring has always been my favorite time of year.  Most people say they like fall because of all the colors.  I like spring because of everything coming back to life.  I love seeing the buds in the trees and grass coming up and flowers appearing.  New life!  Not a day goes by that I don't look forward to being healthy and seeing loved ones come back to life, so my loving spring, I already know it is related to the fact that the new life that comes from spring reminds me even more about the paradise.  I think I will always view spring like this.

My fingers have really been screaming at me more and more.  I fear I am going to have to go back in someday and see what else they can do to help me. It isn't waking me up at night, but many times a day I have to stop and do a "silent scream" cause of the pain.  So I know it is just a matter of time.  It isn't one hand more than they other, they both hurt just as much all the time now.  "just a little while longer"...