some day
Posted by Robyn Nelson on Saturday, December 18, 2010
some days it is just so hard to cope. some days i just wish i had someone i could vent to.
some days I just want to cry all day. some days I just want to scream as loud as i can.
some days I don't feel like i can breath. some days i ....
"imagine" by John Lennon just came on pandora... i hate that song as much as i love it.
i hate that it makes me cry so much. i love that all i think of is the new system when he sings it.
could he have been witness too and that is where the song came from? maybe i will get to ask him someday.
yesterday B&C came over, i wasn't up to it, but it was nice to visit a bit. i found myself laying unable to hold myself up on the recliner in the living room, i think that is when Carol got up to get Bill to leave. I didn't want them to, but at the same time, i couldn't handle being up anymore. it was a really rough day. but then, whet day isn't a challenge anymore.
today i woke up ... i didn't even get dressed or get myself water or start a fire. last night even, i was in bed at 6 and just watched star wars 4, 5 & 6.
i read the article in the WT on being supportive of single parents, and what we can do to help them. it made me feel bitter sweet, because we didn't have that when i was growing up, i felt like such an outcast in our cong, and among my friends, well some of them, some were fabulous, and if it wasn't for them, who knows where i would be today. i love that it was such a pointed and informative article with clear tips, because we sure could have used it.
I miss kelly so much. i got the courage to write to Berkie. He wrote back and i need to reply, but i don't have the strength. i just miss her so much. Kelly wasn't my fleshly sister but, we had been closer than most since kindergarten. On top of that, loosing my dad and not having him to guide and love me from the time i was 11. maybe it was 30 years ago, but it effect my whole adolescences, which in turn effected my whole life in ways NO ONE can imagine.
NO ONE knows what I went through in my life. I've only told some of it to Leon & the kids and only the slightest glimpse to a few people, but NO ONE really knows the whole truth of my life but One... Jehovah. Time and time and time and time again people have blown me off, they have no idea how deep and painful my scars run. If they only knew....
When it is really wearing me down with her, and i don't think i can stand another moment... i remember that Jehovah says it is a "favor" to him to care for those in need. How can i refuse a favor to my Heavenly Father. He is the One who does want me. I can't imagine why but i am grateful.
So this was not what i had intended to write about today, but i guess i needed to get it all off my chest.
some days I just want to cry all day. some days I just want to scream as loud as i can.
some days I don't feel like i can breath. some days i ....
"imagine" by John Lennon just came on pandora... i hate that song as much as i love it.
i hate that it makes me cry so much. i love that all i think of is the new system when he sings it.
could he have been witness too and that is where the song came from? maybe i will get to ask him someday.
yesterday B&C came over, i wasn't up to it, but it was nice to visit a bit. i found myself laying unable to hold myself up on the recliner in the living room, i think that is when Carol got up to get Bill to leave. I didn't want them to, but at the same time, i couldn't handle being up anymore. it was a really rough day. but then, whet day isn't a challenge anymore.
today i woke up ... i didn't even get dressed or get myself water or start a fire. last night even, i was in bed at 6 and just watched star wars 4, 5 & 6.
i read the article in the WT on being supportive of single parents, and what we can do to help them. it made me feel bitter sweet, because we didn't have that when i was growing up, i felt like such an outcast in our cong, and among my friends, well some of them, some were fabulous, and if it wasn't for them, who knows where i would be today. i love that it was such a pointed and informative article with clear tips, because we sure could have used it.
I miss kelly so much. i got the courage to write to Berkie. He wrote back and i need to reply, but i don't have the strength. i just miss her so much. Kelly wasn't my fleshly sister but, we had been closer than most since kindergarten. On top of that, loosing my dad and not having him to guide and love me from the time i was 11. maybe it was 30 years ago, but it effect my whole adolescences, which in turn effected my whole life in ways NO ONE can imagine.
NO ONE knows what I went through in my life. I've only told some of it to Leon & the kids and only the slightest glimpse to a few people, but NO ONE really knows the whole truth of my life but One... Jehovah. Time and time and time and time again people have blown me off, they have no idea how deep and painful my scars run. If they only knew....
When it is really wearing me down with her, and i don't think i can stand another moment... i remember that Jehovah says it is a "favor" to him to care for those in need. How can i refuse a favor to my Heavenly Father. He is the One who does want me. I can't imagine why but i am grateful.
So this was not what i had intended to write about today, but i guess i needed to get it all off my chest.
