I woke up this morning with my hips throbbing so badly.  Both hips hurt.  Normally it is my left hip that gives me trouble.  When my pelvic bone was out of of alignment, both of my femurs would pop out of joint... *eyes roll in back of head when remembering the mind numbing pain*  I learned how to turn my leg to get them back into joint, it took a lot of concentration to walk and not have them pop out.  It took a few adjustments to my pelvic bone to keep them from popping out.  But sometimes my left femur catches and grinds *tries to block out the memory of the pain*  so I had one more adjustment to shift my pelvic bone one last time but it didn't take.  So I struggle with hip pain... a lot of hip pain. 

On top of the joint trouble, when my lymph nodes flare up under my arms and over my groin, the hip pain becomes horrendous.  That is what I have today.  It makes it impossible to sit in a chair at all.  I can only handle standing and laying down.  Which means there is no way I can handling sitting at the Hall, or at B&C's today.  Lauren is making turkey dinner for everyone today.  I heard her clanking dishes this morning getting food ready for later.  She really enjoys making a turkey dinner.  Although I still can't eat turkey, she makes me chicken. 

I have more pain besides my physical pain.  I have heart pain.  I learned yesterday someone I care about is having a very hard time coping with an anxiety disorder.  It just pains me to deeply to learn someone is having emotional or mental or physical pain.  I have them all too and maybe my pains are not exactly the same type, I know the battle that is before them.  How much I wish I could ease their pain, but I know I can't.  But I feel like when I spoke with them yesterday, I think I was of no encouragement at all.  I think I only made matters worse.  I think because I tried to empathize. 

I didn't want to say my problems are worse.  Because they aren't worse, just different.  I just don't know.  But I hated leaving it at them seeming to be more depressed then when I first spoke to them.  I also shared how Jehovah is my focal point. and I don't think they wanted to hear that. 

I shared how with my depression from SADS I have had suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager.  When I was younger I  felt no one one earth would care if I died, but there were 2 who would care, Jehovah & Satan,  What stopped me all these years is, I couldn't do that to Jehovah.  And when I give up, Satan wins.  Even though I am worthless, Satan doesn't deserve my life.  Jehovah has always looked out for me, He has always cared about me and I just couldn't turn my back on him and give up. 

The last 15 years or so, even though I still have the Seasonal Affect Disorder Syndrome,  I plan ahead and figure out what I will do to keep me busy and distracted so I don't get feeling down.  One thing I do is I try to learn something new. Really important is to focus on helping other people or doing things for others, just not to dwell on my own problems.  This year, I have been working on the trips we are going to take.  Both last year & this year making arrangements and then Aux. Pioneering has been a HUGE help to me. 

These are the things I tried to share, but I think they didn't want to hear this.  I tried to say, even though I can't know exactly what they were going through, because no one can ever know exactly what someone else is dealing with.  I tried to empathize and say, that one day they will find their own focal point, and what works for them. 

I just pray that Jehovah will comfort them and hold them close as he has for me all these years.