Yesterday, my day just went from really rough to excruciating.  It was one of my top 20 worst pain days ever...maybe even top 10.  Besides my ribs making it rough to breath, then my whole belly & back were so badly flared up, to even set my hand on my belly, just was too much, I couldn't take the pain.  I couldn't handle even listening in on the whole meeting.  I couldn't concentrate and the pain... I had to take two mega pain pills.  One took the hair pulling edge off, but the pain was still too much for me to stand, so I waited four hours and took another one.  That seldom happens where I have to take them that much.  I was on the verge of going to the ER.  I didn't want to tell EO as he had so much he had to do yesterday and he is so preoccupied with what is going on with his mom.  So I just didn't say anything and I didn't let him see that I was needing a second pain pill.  But as the second one kicked in, I was able to fall asleep.  But, I didn't want to wake up this morning.  I slept until 9:30, and seeing how I went to sleep at 11pm, so it was a nice 10 1/2 hours.  

Today isn't as bad with my ribs, but my digestive track is flipping out and my hip...whoa, my hip, the slightest move and i do the "silent scream".  my shoulder too is mind numbingly hurting.  my belly is still giving me a lot of pain and my back.  not as much pain as yesterday, but still ALOT of pain.  this is one awful awful flare up.  i kind of expected it because of the stress level going way up.  i am trying to not get anxious, but i still am a little.  i just know if i loose it, it will be so much harder on EO and I just don't want to do that to him.  So I will continue to keep my pain level to myself.  I can't let on just how bad it really is.

It does seem like when my ribs flare up, my pain level goes way up, because I am not breathing enough.  So the oxygen just isn't reaching my whole body as it should...so the pain increases.  Rev. 21:4... Jehovah understands and doesn't want us to be suffering from these ... physical pains and these pains of the heart.  it is going to get better...it is going to get better... it is going to get better... it really is going to get better... really  it is just so hard, so hard, so hard... i can do this... i'm not alone... i feel alone... Jehovah is here, he cares... tell me i can do this... tell me i can get through this... cause right now... i hate this, i hate this so much.  I know he never intended for us to have to suffer.  that wasn't his plan. i know it hurts him to see us hurting.  He is always there to comfort us.  Like a warm blanket on cold day.  I feel that warmth now.  He has soothed my heart.  I don't feel alone anymore. 

As I was getting up, Colton was getting ready to leave for work then school.  He was up late studying last night.  I guess he had an essay to write.  By the time I got my Bible reading done and my ministry, Steph was heading out the door.  She worked until 2:30am painting an aprt.  She said they just did the ceiling last night.  So they are going to try and get the walls done this afternoon.  She is always so busy.

EO and Lauren had to leave at 7am as EO had a dentist apt and Lauren has a doc apt. So I am on my own this morning.

I don't know when yet, but Carol will have her surgery and chemo treatments in Duluth.  When I find out when, I will post it.  I want to say Monday, only because while Carol was in the hospital, the nurses mentioned that Dr. Evans (I think that was her name) does surgeries on Monday.  but I am just guessing about that.