I have been having a tough time the past couple days.  It actually started last week, but now I've just maxed out.  I am on the verge of breaking down into tears at any moment.  I am trying to stave it off, but I just don't know if I will be able to hold it off until I get over what ever the issue is I am dealing with.  Actually I know exactly what the problem is. It has to do with the kids.  I think I know what they need but I don't trust myself to know (as I shouldn't) so I pray about it and as usual, I don't know what is best for them.  I just feel so lost and it is just so hard.  I want to help them, how can I help them when I don't know what is best for them... NO, that isn't right... I don't feel like I am a good parent when I can't do a single thing to help them.  I am still trying to figure out that balance, of being there for them and letting Jehovah to do what is best for them.  Maybe that isn't what I mean either.  what is my roll?  I don't want to over step my roll and I don't know what my roll is.  I try to listen to their problems, I try to encourage them to pray, and I pray as well. And I remind them to lean on Jehovah and wait for his answer and remember sometimes the answer is NO or Not yet.  But by their not having some things, they have learned truth, loyalty, endurance, forgiveness, that loneliness won't kill you and what it means to really lean on Jehovah.  

Frustration and heart ache has over taken me, leaving me in sick at heart.  I don't know what Jehovah sees in me. I have never known.  I would like to just guess right from time to time.  Oh well.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.