Talked to EO last night.  He didn't get a deer.  Anyways, he asked about how much they drained from Carol, as we were hoping it would be less fluid.  But I hadn't heard anything.  So he called his dad last night.  He said he had wanted to stay, but he couldn't find a good place to park with the trailer full of wood.  So he just went to see Carol for a few minutes.  He said her eyes are so sunk in and she is so thin, that it just broke his heart.  He said she just told him it was ok that he couldn't stay and that she wanted him to enjoy his trip and not to worry about her but just work on getting a deer.  It just hurt him so much to see her suffering so badly.  He absolutely HATES cancer.  i said, welcome to the club.  

He then talked about never understanding what it was like for me (or anyone) to watch your parent go from always being your own source of strength.  Who you always have gone to for comfort and guidance... to withering away in the most horrific and brutal way.  So he now understands.  I just wish he never had to endure such a devastating life altering and  soul crushing event.  

If he is still up there by Wednesday, he plans to go see Carol Wednesday.  We bought him extra mins for his phone, so that he could call and check in on his parents (and me) more often while he is gone.

I am trying in the worst way to be level headed and supportive.  He thinks it is bad now, but he hasn't see the worst of it.  Actually, the absolute worst of it, is to be there 24/7, where Carol isn't at home, so he is spared much of what happens.  That I am so thankful for.  As awful as it is for Carol to have to be in the nursing home, it does spare the rest of the family the non stop physical work that goes into caring for her. My dad wanted no part of being in a hospital, so we all were involved in caring for him.  To see him going from this very strong man in prime physical condition, wither away with every second that passes and turning into hollowed out skin and bones, completely unrecognizable.  There was nothing we could do to stop it from happening.  It shakes you so deeply, that your wounded for life.  It is like taking a chainsaw to a beautiful dinning table.  You could never repair what was damaged and you just have to live with being ripped apart.

We had Bill over the other night for dinner.  Actually every time I spend time with him, when I laugh, he just looks at me.  He told me, that he doesn't hear anyone laugh anymore and he misses it.  He said, with all I go through and all I have suffered, that I can still laugh despite it all, it encourages him.  I don't know that I do anything special, but I just know laughing is good for us in so many ways.  I see how it helps EO too.  It relaxes and comforts him when I can get him to laugh.  There are certain movies that I know makes him laugh.  And when I see he is in need and it is an appropriate time (because there are times he needed it, but the time wasn't right for the situation), I put those movies in.  He knows it helps him too.  That is one reason why I am glad he is up with Jeff.  Jeff keeps him laughing (and Jeff is going through a lot and could use a laugh as well).  Right now, EO needs it more than ever.  So I will keep trying to not just be supportive and understanding, but help take care of his mental and emotional health.  

EO knows I have had my fair share of pain and suffering.  He knows I can't even go to my mom for comfort, because it pains me so much that she is withering away.  He is learning why I turn to Jehovah so much more so than he does.  He has often asked me about that.  I told him, because I didn't have a dad to go to, I learned to go to my Heavenly Father.  My Heavenly Father can't be taken away like my dad was and like my mom is.  EO has always had his parents, and hasn't had the same need I have had.  So our viewpoint are different.  I have had to face, every person can be ripped away, by illness or tragic event, but Jehovah will never take his arms of strength from around us, as long as we hang on to him.