I know I had already posted today, but I need to talk, and I don't really have anyone I can really talk to about this.  So I will put it on here, and then it will be off my mind.

Rob....  every now and then my brother pops up.  Sometimes it will be almost a year between pop ups, but he will show up one day and ...whatever.

Not too long ago, I received a phone call from a mortgage company, he had put me as a contact, and they needed him to call them.  What???? REALLY????  we haven't spoken in how many years, and he puts me as a contact?  

Well, I only contact him when it is a "life and death" matter.  When I think he really needs to know about it.  When I do email him or text him, i never hear back from him, so I don't even really know if he gets my messages.  I'm guessing he does, but who knows.  

Well he popped up again today.  This time it was just on FB.  Funny thing is, he seldom to never goes on there.  Just once in a great while.  

I don't know, this just has me unsettled this time.  Perhaps there are old memories coming up or something.  I have no clue, but I feel so uneasy this time.

I never thought to ask mom if she told him that he is a grandpa now.  I can't help but wonder what he thinks about that.  So today I saw a recent picture... good gravy he got old.  He looks like a grandpa.  He is only 2 1/2 years older, so doesn't mean I look like a grandma?  Granted I have kids old enough to make me a grandma but, I just didn't think I look that old.  But maybe I do.  Well, I know someday I will be, so I'm not bothered about that.  I think just because it has been about like...16 years since I last saw him, I remember him as a young guy almost 30 years old.  and now he is closing in on 50.  

IDK why I feel uneasy, but I do.  I just wish he would get his  act together.  I have no clue if he is doing anything with the truth.  (I doubt it).  How can one be solid in the truth and yet not talk with his family.  Why does he have trouble talking to me?  He will write from time to time to my mom, (although he hasn't in more recent months).  I would like to know what I have to do with his vanishing issues.  Maybe I will never know.  But I do hope he gets some therapy or something.



AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 So i thought, Mom is going to want to see these pics.  so I sent them to her.  She insists it isn't him.  that she doesn't recognize him.  she has no idea who this person is, but it isn't Rob.  
So I said, fine mom, i made the whole thing up, i created fake photos and i just flat out lied to you about the whole thing.  She said, No, you are just wrong.  I said, mom, i'm not that stupid.  i know what Rob looks like.  i know his FB account, and i know the job he was working, and it said on his page that his bosses promised him a raise, bonuses and to fix things so that he would no longer have to work 100 hours a week and after repeated promises and their failure to make good, he quit his job and now works at an elite golf coarse. i also know all my cousins that he is friends with.... so why would i just pick some random person and make the whole thing up?  WHY MOM WHY?   In which she proceeded to say, well I was comparing the photos of over a year ago, and he has changed, plus he isn't smiling in these, like he normally does.  I told her because I was very sure he isn't doing anything in the truth right now.  those 100 hour a weeks, wrecked his spiritual progress. 

I don't know if I have more than two fond memories of him.  One is on my wedding day and the other is of him playing with Lauren when she was little.  That is it.  And when I have to think of him, that is what I think about.  So it isn't easy for me to have to encounter him and it isn't easy for me to have to talk to mom about him.  All she thinks is about how hard it is for her to have him living so far away from her.  she has always refused to see the truth.  So when I muster up the strength to talk to her about him, and she just insists I have no clue.... AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, and this is why I drink... haha, no, if I wasn't allergic, perhaps then I would.  Actually, this is why I have a blog.  It is just to hard for anyone to understand.  There is so much I don't say about my mother, my brother and why I am loosing my mind..... hmm, there is a good title to a book.  but if anyone read it they would have me committed.