i so love this... it makes me think of paradise, that is even animals can appreciate the beautiful things Jehovah has created. 

Well, the time is here.  Tonight we finish packing, and load up the car.  Then in the morning we will head out.  A couple of our neighbors are going to take care of the cats, chickens and keep an eye on the place.  Our one neighbor is an excellent watch dog with the police on speed dial and has always proven very valuable. 

The girls will also be home tonight and so it will be easier for them to just jump in the car and go. It will be wonderful to go and dive into some fabulous spiritual food... and hopefully get away from mosquitoes for awhile.  I am sick of them!!  

Funny thing, it has taken so much effort to write out the thank you cards.  it is such a struggle to focus mentally all the time.  if it takes concentration for me to walk a straight line, writing a letter that expresses deep feeling in behalf of the family, has me so mentally drained i'm not even realizing I have been wearing the same shirt for 3 days.  one day I forgot to brush my teeth...that NEVER EVER happens, i've missed taking pills, just normal basic things.  No one can really know how hard it is on me to "think" or "focus".  EO is constantly trying to help me focus when he needs to tell me something I have to know. He understands and my kids do too, but I don't know if anyone else who doesn't live with me and has to deal with me, can at all grasp what a struggle it is, and how exhausting it is for me.  I think I have mentioned this time and again... seriously I am only guessing I have mentioned it before... but the hardest part about being so sick isn't all the physical pain, but it is the inability to think and remember and how exhausting it is to concentrate for even several minutes. 

Visiting with people at the funeral was more tiring then physically being there.  because it required me to focus and listen to them and communicate back to them.  It might just be chatting to most people, but for me... they just can't even comprehend how much strength it takes.

meetings, convention, after an hour or so I have a blinding migraine for having to focus for so long. I have to pop pills and relax my brain so many times. it is indescribable.

but i will go and i will do my best. i know i will miss a lot, and i won't hardly remember i was there.  that part is sad for me, because once i am tired, i don't remember even being there, let alone what is said and what happens.  I take notes in hope i will remember something, but it is futile.  Year after year, i don't remember anything.  I guess one could ask, what the point is in going, if it is that hard for me and I won't remember anything anyway.  Well, I can't give up.  I know this might be the last convention I go to.  I thought about not going, but this is the biggest convention our kids have ever been to.  That I ever remember going to.  I really want to share that with them.  And then after that, we will see how things go next year.  I feel like an awful burden to my family.  And this year, being I will be in a wheel chair, it is the most demanding it will be for them.  So we will see how it goes.  But the biggest thing, is if my health keeps going down hill like it has this past year, I have to be realistic about if I can handle attending next year.  

Sad to say, I was glad when they announced all assemblies will be just one day from now on.  it was such a relief to hear, because for me, two days, are pretty much impossible for me now.  I just don't have the health for it. And then I thought of Bill and so many others who struggle to attend even one day, and how much easier it will be for them to not have to push for strength they just don't have.  

well, I should get some things done.  i seriously don't have the energy to get up right now, i really just want to go back to bed, but i have been training myself to get up earlier the past few weeks so that it won't be so impossible to get up early for convention.  truthfully, i look forward to sleeping in when we get back. so i am pushing to stay awake each day, no matter how much i want to take a nap.  after convention, i will let myself take naps when i need them.  But it is all worth the battle, as it is for Jehovah.