My cousin managed to take this pic.  She had to be extra sneaky about it.  

Gram isn't doing well.  Although in some ways she has improved, she still is having a rough time.  Her cough isn't under control and she isn't sleeping well.  We are still waiting to go visit her as we want her to try and rest as much as possible.  I didn't call, because she can't talk without coughing.  So I have been sending messages via those who are staying with her.  

Right along I have known I wouldn't handle loosing her, but her being sick like this... I can't deal with very well either.  

Boy oh boy, I am in really bad shape today.  I woke up early cause my hip is killing me, and on top of it, i have a splitting headache.  I am sure it is the weather.  I tried to get some walking in yesterday, but couldn't do a full workout, it was just too muggy and I couldn't get enough air.  But I did as much as I could.  I will try to do some later if my hip will work.  Yesterday, boy I struggled with my digestive track.  It has been bad... ok, a long time, but the past few days it has given me a lot more grief than usual.  And it started before my Gram went in the hospital.

Despite everything else, I am keeping up with my ministry and Bible reading... I clicked "play" and what do I hear?  Psalms 23...Though I walk through the valley of shadows.... Are you kidding me?  Of all days to read that one.   My first feeling was..."NOOOOOOO" but then as it continued, I felt oddly comforted.  Jehovah knows what he is doing...I'm so dumb for panicking.  And I am so so so happy I didn't stop it.  

I feel bad, I failed to mention the day after the car group stopped in, a visitor stopped for a few minutes.  It was so sweet.  The thing about it is, I was having a tough time with the drama going on, and now, some of that has been resolved.  But I think Jehovah had them stop, not because of the drama but because of what I am going through now.  If I wouldn't have had those precious comforters stop in, I am very sure I would be more of a basket case than I already am.  I cry now at the drop of a hat, without them... 

It makes me think of how often we are told we need the meetings, that they will fortify us so that we can handle what is to come in our lives and in our future.  If I wouldn't have had that encouragement and the help that put things in perspective for me... I couldn't get through the days now.  Here I thought it was because of the drama... here he wanted me to get past it so I could adjust my focus to this.  

Sometimes I feel like such a looser with my oh so many shortcomings and I feel like Jehovah isn't here anymore.  What a bigger looser I am for having such thoughts in the first place.  I try and reflect on all the ways he looks out for me... for us, and this will be another one I will keep on my list for review.   

UPDATE: my mom got to talk to her this morning.  She slept a little better and she is actually feeling a little better.  Although she still can't talk much without coughing horribly, she has a little bit more strength in her voice.  The doctor is optimistic.  So I am going to cling to this and not focus on the fact she could be hiding something from us, as she doesn't want to worry her family and does that.  We (including my mom) had flowers sent to her room this morning and mom heard them delivered while she was on the phone with Gram.  Gram was really surprised and so happy. She said they are really pretty.  *and breath*.