Mom and my baby "Red"
 
 So EO got me out of the house yesterday for a bit.  it was nice to be out, we went to the dollar gen, then the Merk perk and got a drink from steph, and we picked up one for my mom then went and had lunch with her.  Then I was tuckered out!  But it was nice spending time with her.

Now today ... I'm not good.  I am about to start running another fever.  It is amazing how I have a never ending supply of fevers.  Sometimes I just get so tired of being sick.  I miss having a life.  I have been trying to just stay calm and not freak out so much about the kids, but there is so much that scares me.   Like Lauren is trying to get herself prepared to see a doctor about her panic attacks and OCDs.  So she is writing a letter that describes what she goes through and what sets her off.  She gasped and tried to laugh as she went back to read what she wrote.  She said "wow, I am not well".  I bared down when she read it to me.  That was so hard, but what was harder was I told her some other things to add to the letter.  it is so hard to want to help your kids but there is nothing you can do.  It is heart breaking really. I am just trying to keep focused on the fact she wants help and she should be able to get help.

So i just keep on praying.  

My time is about up, I am having a very hard time holding up my head, so I am off to my chair.