long post
Posted by Robyn Nelson on Friday, June 6, 2014
i am so shocked at what a long post i had yesterday with that blinding migraine. i have had migraines and been sick and haven't been able to post, but i guess i just had too much to say... and i know i wouldn't have remembered it all today to post it. and once i found that position, that made it possible to post as well.
ok, so yesterday... my body was so knotted up, my pillows felt like rocks, my nausea was the worst it has been in awhile. i was so insanely sick, it was basically like the worst flu ever! my migraine maxed out at one point and i went to sleep for a couple hours. i had to, i couldn't take it anymore. when i woke up, it wasn't as bad, but I still had it, but then the nausea was insane. it just from one horrible thing to another. then sometime around 8pm, everything started to settle down. By 10pm i was just feeling sore but the nausea was gone for the most part and my migraine was pretty much gone. I also wasn't as dizzy and the light headed feeling was mostly gone too. So I was able to go to sleep a bit easier. I had survived.
EO was gone about 7am. There are a few who have asked to be put on the rotation each day. Which has helped because 3 can fill any slot where one is a little more limited as to which slots she can fill. One offered to take all the middle of the night shifts because of it being such a tough shift for people to be awake for. That is helpful, however, EO is such a sweet heart that he wouldn't dream of keeping her strictly on that shift. Not when there are others who can give her a break and take the shift. But he still tries to limit how long the shifts are so that it doesn't ware them out because we understand they still have households to care for.
But even with a little bit of a lighter load and some sleep, this going every day and organizing this, has EO rather dazed. I tried to tell him about a shift a sister accepted, and he just struggled to process it this morning. EO said, it is just so hard to have to be the one to make the decisions for his mom and go care for her and schedule watches a tend to his dad and tend to me and work at the apts and and and. He couldn't even mow our lawn this week. I wish I could do that for him, but I just can't anymore. And I feel so bad.
I think the hardest part about this, is that he will have to live with the memory of seeing his mom this way. I've seen and lived with it, and it is a memory i try so hard not to think about. Granted, since Carol has been sick, i have thought of my dad everyday, thin, weak, in agony. for him it was a matter of months, and Carol has been almost triple the time as my dad. He was sick and died so much faster because it went into major organs right away. For Carol it has just spread outside the vital organs. Even this... last week, they gave her 2-3 days... it has been a week. Granted every day has had another major set back for her. But... we started to prepare ourselves that it was happening right now, and instead we have had to witness merciless and horrific pains she has had to suffer. Her pain level has doubled or tripled in this past week. it is so heart wrenching. the other truly difficult thing is we have had a few middle of the night contacts with Villa to help her with her pain management. It seems late night is when her pain level peaks.
Colton works the next few nights and EO is so happy about that. EO says it just eases his mind to know he is there. Granted Colton can't make any decisions for her, but there have been times when they thought they needed to do something and Colton was able to tell them to call EO. That has been wonderful. Because instead of waiting until EO gets there the next day, it can be taken care of that night. Which means, Carol doesn't have to wait either.
EO talked for awhile last night that he didn't have to be the one to carry the load. I told him it is a blessing that Jehovah provided your mom with you, so that there could be someone. EO then said, he can see how these past years, in having to care for my mom and others, that he could see how Jehovah was training him and preparing him to be able to do what he is doing now. He only wished he could be doing better for his mom. I said, well, maybe you didn't have all the facts when you needed them, but, I felt he has done extremely well with the info he had. The greatest part is that he isn't afraid to ask questions and ask for more help. Because of this, they are able to keep her more comfortable. Granted he has to stay on top of things, so when her pain increases, he can ask for more help, but it might otherwise not happen fast enough. EO said he is thankful Jehovah prepared him. One thing I have seen is how he learned how to ask "what can we do so she can be more comfortable". instead of what most people do, which is being demanding and then belittle the staff. when you work with and ask questions, and especially so genuine appreciation, boy, they will just bend over backwards to help. Basically, that is how everyone wants to be treated... with R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
anyway, so at first EO kind of resented that he had this load to carry but as we talked last night, he was grateful that Jehovah helped him and continues to help him take care of his mom, even if he is worn out and emotionally spent.
i ramble on.
as for today, i am doing better. my back is still really sore and aches something fierce. i feel like i'm about 105 years old. My ribs ache too... although it could be muscle all the way around, i'm not sure, I just know my chest aches too. but the migraine is gone and my nausea is gone, so I will be able to function on my own today. Granted i won't be up and about and doing much of anything worthwhile, but as long as i stay out of trouble, EO will be happy.
ok, so yesterday... my body was so knotted up, my pillows felt like rocks, my nausea was the worst it has been in awhile. i was so insanely sick, it was basically like the worst flu ever! my migraine maxed out at one point and i went to sleep for a couple hours. i had to, i couldn't take it anymore. when i woke up, it wasn't as bad, but I still had it, but then the nausea was insane. it just from one horrible thing to another. then sometime around 8pm, everything started to settle down. By 10pm i was just feeling sore but the nausea was gone for the most part and my migraine was pretty much gone. I also wasn't as dizzy and the light headed feeling was mostly gone too. So I was able to go to sleep a bit easier. I had survived.
EO was gone about 7am. There are a few who have asked to be put on the rotation each day. Which has helped because 3 can fill any slot where one is a little more limited as to which slots she can fill. One offered to take all the middle of the night shifts because of it being such a tough shift for people to be awake for. That is helpful, however, EO is such a sweet heart that he wouldn't dream of keeping her strictly on that shift. Not when there are others who can give her a break and take the shift. But he still tries to limit how long the shifts are so that it doesn't ware them out because we understand they still have households to care for.
But even with a little bit of a lighter load and some sleep, this going every day and organizing this, has EO rather dazed. I tried to tell him about a shift a sister accepted, and he just struggled to process it this morning. EO said, it is just so hard to have to be the one to make the decisions for his mom and go care for her and schedule watches a tend to his dad and tend to me and work at the apts and and and. He couldn't even mow our lawn this week. I wish I could do that for him, but I just can't anymore. And I feel so bad.
I think the hardest part about this, is that he will have to live with the memory of seeing his mom this way. I've seen and lived with it, and it is a memory i try so hard not to think about. Granted, since Carol has been sick, i have thought of my dad everyday, thin, weak, in agony. for him it was a matter of months, and Carol has been almost triple the time as my dad. He was sick and died so much faster because it went into major organs right away. For Carol it has just spread outside the vital organs. Even this... last week, they gave her 2-3 days... it has been a week. Granted every day has had another major set back for her. But... we started to prepare ourselves that it was happening right now, and instead we have had to witness merciless and horrific pains she has had to suffer. Her pain level has doubled or tripled in this past week. it is so heart wrenching. the other truly difficult thing is we have had a few middle of the night contacts with Villa to help her with her pain management. It seems late night is when her pain level peaks.
Colton works the next few nights and EO is so happy about that. EO says it just eases his mind to know he is there. Granted Colton can't make any decisions for her, but there have been times when they thought they needed to do something and Colton was able to tell them to call EO. That has been wonderful. Because instead of waiting until EO gets there the next day, it can be taken care of that night. Which means, Carol doesn't have to wait either.
EO talked for awhile last night that he didn't have to be the one to carry the load. I told him it is a blessing that Jehovah provided your mom with you, so that there could be someone. EO then said, he can see how these past years, in having to care for my mom and others, that he could see how Jehovah was training him and preparing him to be able to do what he is doing now. He only wished he could be doing better for his mom. I said, well, maybe you didn't have all the facts when you needed them, but, I felt he has done extremely well with the info he had. The greatest part is that he isn't afraid to ask questions and ask for more help. Because of this, they are able to keep her more comfortable. Granted he has to stay on top of things, so when her pain increases, he can ask for more help, but it might otherwise not happen fast enough. EO said he is thankful Jehovah prepared him. One thing I have seen is how he learned how to ask "what can we do so she can be more comfortable". instead of what most people do, which is being demanding and then belittle the staff. when you work with and ask questions, and especially so genuine appreciation, boy, they will just bend over backwards to help. Basically, that is how everyone wants to be treated... with R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
anyway, so at first EO kind of resented that he had this load to carry but as we talked last night, he was grateful that Jehovah helped him and continues to help him take care of his mom, even if he is worn out and emotionally spent.
i ramble on.
as for today, i am doing better. my back is still really sore and aches something fierce. i feel like i'm about 105 years old. My ribs ache too... although it could be muscle all the way around, i'm not sure, I just know my chest aches too. but the migraine is gone and my nausea is gone, so I will be able to function on my own today. Granted i won't be up and about and doing much of anything worthwhile, but as long as i stay out of trouble, EO will be happy.
