I love that Anne was right in there.  She is so awesome!!!

I don't know what is going on with me but I have some sort of hysterical paralysis.  When I was in the second grade, anytime anyone was looking at me write, my hand would become paralyzed.  I couldn't even grip a pencil.  It would take several minutes for me to get my fingers to work again.  My hand would be so weak and it would ache.  This continued to be pretty much a daily problem until I was in about the 8th grade.  Then it was just an occasional flare up.  

But this last week, I have had it happen a number of times and no one was watching me while it happened.  Each time I was emotionally distressed but that was all. I can still type, although my fingers ache, but that is about it.  It takes forever to get the strength and control back in my fingers.  I wish I knew why after all these years it is happening again.  It really makes my letter writing a chore.

I am having a rough day.  I didn't want to get up and do my Bible reading or letter writing.  I felt bad about that too.  The next thing I knew, I fell back to sleep.  I guess I wasn't ready to get up.  A couple hours later I was wide awake and diving into it.  I do feel dreadful today.  Far worse than yesterday.  IDK, maybe yesterday was worse as I don't even remember it. Where today I am feeling the pain and the pain is bad!!!

I have been hard on Colton & Steph today.  IDK what is wrong with me.  Maybe I am stressing because i know they are going to be moving out soon, and I won't get to see them...like ever.  I feel like I am trying to cut the ties now cause when they move, it will be so hard for me.  But that is just the stupidest thing for me to be doing to them.  I don't want them to move away.  So now that I have said that, maybe now, I can get back on track and help support them.  When Colton moved the first time, he did it in little steps and it was easier to deal with. They have to start their lives and I want them to.  This is what kids do, they leave home.  I want so much for them to have their own lives.  No sooner did I start my life with EO and my mom got sick... except for the year I lived in Oregon, that was all of the life I was able to call my own.  I want my kids to have their own life too and not have to have it centered around me.  I don't want to be the anchor that keeps them from having a life.  EO & I have never been able to do anything without having to consider my mom and sometimes,... it stinks.  I think I have it out of my system now, so I hope and pray I don't have any sort of relapse. I don't want to put them through that.