Lauren took this pic.  Steph is behind the racks...you can see her peeking through them, lol

I was expecting to have to pay, $100-$200 for something to record the meetings.  Oh, we did find out that we can record the meetings, as long as the recording is for our own personal use.  But Jehovah did it again, he helped us to be able to find something that will work and in our budget.

So yesterday EO talked to Bill about what he bought to record the meetings for Carol.  So for $34.and some odd change, he was able to buy a digital voice recorder.  So he used some of our grocery money and bought one yesterday, since he was in town with Bill anyways.  

I should have thought of it, but yesterday I ran a fever for the longest time. so it was no wonder that I was a mess yesterday. I always get anxious on days I run fevers.  The higher the fever, the deeper the anxiety.  I laid under 6 layers of fleece just shaking in my boots.  ok, i wasn't wearing boots, just heavy socks and lots of layers.  

Anyway, now I have to figure out a new routine to listen to the meeting.  Sundays are tough because once everyone gets home there is a lot of motion going on, figuring out plans for the rest of the day, making lunch and so on.  And Tuesdays... well, after the meeting, I am normally pretty tired by the time they get home.  My "me time" has always been in the morning, because half the family is at work and the other half is sleeping.  But, EO is now a part of my morning routine.  My hips are usually killing me after about 1/2 of sitting.  Which makes concentration a real challenge.  Good heavens, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out.

Maybe after I go to lay down, I can listen to it.  lots of times it is pretty quiet.  EO often has to either go to work, or  take his dad to town at that point.  humm, i think that might work.  

the first time I was on the phone hook up, i cried the whole time.  i felt so cut off.  so separated.  so, not a part of the cong.  My heart ached that my health had robbed me of being at the Hall, having a share in the meetings, feeling Jehovah's Holy Spirit around me. It was the worst feeling in the world.  I have talked to a few others who have had the same experience.  You miss out on so much not being there. you don't get to see the friends, which then makes you feel forgotten and isolated.  you don't get to see the gestures of the speakers.  Sometimes they have a prop, and you don't get to see what it is.  Sometimes you hear everyone laughing, but you have no idea what they are laughing about.  you don't get hugs...you don't get to have an "interchange of encouragement", and that is the saddest part of all.

the second time i hooked up wasn't much better than the first.  but in time, it got easier.  I still miss everyone terribly and often feel very alone. Lauren and EO make a point to tell me all the people who say "hi" to me.  That helps, but it clearly isn't the same as having conversations with people.  For a while they didn't used to tell me what others said.  well, Lauren did sometimes.  but then I told EO how hard it was on me, and so now he makes a point to remember to tell me as soon as he gets home.  

So today, EO took Lauren and mom to meet up with Gram Frances and Marianna at Panera Bread for breakfast.  I've been texting Lauren this morning and she says everything was really good and everyone liked the food.  Steph was mainly in the back but they did get to see her though.  I even missed out on that.  I don't know if people even know all that I miss out on and how hard it is for me.  I miss out on opportunities to see my Grandma, aunts, my mom, and cousins.  I used to make it a point to go visit my family for a couple days, two or three times a year. I was very close to many of them.  Since I got sick, weeks go by without my leaving the house, because going to see them is just so physically draining, that by the time I get to where I am going, I need to rest, and that maxes me out to the point I am sick in bed and not able to see the family anyways. 

oh well, at least in the new system I will get to spend forever getting close to my family again. I am very thankful Jehovah has helped us.  I would be so lost without Him.