I don't know why, but i feel really sad today.  We had a WONDERFUL talk this morning and an AWESOME WT lesson, on encouraging one another... yet, I feel so "blue".  I can't put my finger on why I feel like this.  I just want to go lay down and cry.  Maybe it is just all the stress our family has been enduring the past two months.  It has been 63 days since Carol has last been home and 67 days since this whole thing started.  Or maybe because I have been missing Kelly so much.  Or maybe because something is wrong with me physically.  I have had that terrible headache when something is stressing/maxing out my body physically.   Maybe it is the issues that have been going on with the kids.  or with EO. or maybe it has to do with the fact that i have been doing so much self examination trying to figure out what i am doing wrong... and it is ALOT!   Or maybe because so much of the time, i feel forgotten, overlooked, neglected and that if i died tomorrow, no one would care or notice.  I've been feeling like that for awhile.  ok, i have felt like that since i was a kid.  like if i died a month or more would go by before anyone found me. I used to think that when I was a kid.  

I keep trying to keep positive.  I put together pictures and scriptures and post them.  i do my Bible reading each day along with spending time in the ministry each day.  I keep up with my studying, read the mags.  Support our family worship. Try to listen in on the meetings.  I pray to be a source of encouragement to others.  I pray and try to draw close to Jehovah each day.  I try to help my family and support them.  If I can't help someone who needs help, I try to at least pray for them. I try try try, yet i am so sad today.  I know I have to have days like this, it is just part of my being imperfect. I can't stand that I have to be like this, but I will just have to deal with it.

Steph and Lauren went to town yesterday.  Every time Lauren would get food from Starbucks, Lauren gets so sick.  Well, yesterday, they shared something they bought, and they both got sick.  Steph ate more than Lauren, so Steph was up all night sick.  This morning she looks really rough.  Colton said that Starbucks doesn't change out their food very often, and that it will sit there... a really long time.  GROSS!  So Steph couldn't make it to the meeting as she is in tough shape.  NO MORE FOOD FROM STARBUCKS for us!

Latae is playing soccer with a crumpled up wrapper.  It is so cute.  This morning, EO saw a mouse in our closet.  Milly went after it but she isn't much of a hunter, yet.. but she got it!  All on her own.  My baby is growing up.  and speaking of growing up.   Steph will be turning 20 this week.  20 years... where did it go?  Is that why I am sad, my last baby will no longer be a teenager?  ...no.. 

i may never figure it out, and tomorrow will be a new day, as Jehovah keeps giving us new days.  so i hope tomorrow is better.