Lauren got a haircut!  It is really cute on her.  She did that yesterday when they were up town.  The doc thinks they can help mom with tri-focals, so I do hope they can.  It would be nice if something could go well for her.

Nils is still in rough shape, but he is hanging in there.  There is too much of this going on.  
 
I was having a bad flare up yesterday... really bad. I was so tired from the fever that I fell asleep, I have no idea how long I slept and then when i woke up and I had force myself to stay awake.  It was hard for me to even talk last night.  On top of it, my whole mouth is all flared up as well. About the only thing i can stand eating are popsicles.  So I put lots of paste (prescription) in my mouth last night, and I have another prescription for rinsing my mouth, which help some, but it will take a couple days for it to heal up.

So that made today really rough too.  I have been thinking about contacting my brother because of how bad mom is doing.  I hesitate because of how he cuts us off.  He is even on FB and for a little bit I was friends with him, but he deactivated his account and opened up a new one and never looked me up again.  Is that normal?  Well maybe in the times we are living in.  I have never spent a lot of time around men who were ... i don't know what the word is for it.  If my dad hadn't died, I think I could understand men better, or if my brother wouldn't have disconnected from us, to not even keep in touch after what... the last time I saw him, colton was in kindergarden, so maybe 15 years?  Even growing up we hardly ever spoke to each other even though we lived in the same house.  ... how is it that men can emotionally disconnect from the needs of others.  On top of it, men can even not have any remorse? regret? disappointment in not being there for ...family. For me, I want to do whatever I can for my family, because they are "Family".  Even the scriptures say our first responsibility is to Jehovah and our second is to our family, even if you don't get along that great with your family, they still come before anyone else... including ourselves.  I don't get that disconnect thing, maybe it is in the category of "no natural affection".  IDK... I have issues with being cut off and I hate it!  Cause my issues seem to hurt my family.  I regret hurting them and I hate that I can't cure my stupid issues in this system.  I've been trying most of my life, and I still have them.  

I actually wrote that paragraph differently today in regards to a situation we had here today and... as I prayed about it and thought about it, I realized my problem isn't with men as much as it is with my brother.  So when I see Leon or Colton being able to disconnect from "whatever", it just wounds me deeper because of my issues with my brother.  I still hurt...

Today is going to be another long day.  I did get to workout and for my personal study I was in the mood for extra bible reading. so I just kept reading today.  I think I needed a little extra TLC from Jehovah.  

Maybe the rest of the day will go better.