It is a rough day.  Some days are just like that.  EO is gone today.  He left at 5am to go up to Jeff's to help him and then he will be home tonight.  Jeff has been doing the same thing we are.  His dad has prostate cancer and all summer he has been running his dad to the doc almost every single day.  He has been in and out of the hospital.  Had to take many trips to the cities.  EO figured he better go help Jeff get things ready, as he just can't go stay with them and not help out.  Jeff hasn't even been up to put up a single stick of fire wood yet.  So EO is there today.  then EO will leave on Friday to go up there to hunt.

So my mom is just getting worse every day.  She can't lean in any direction.  Her only working leg, doesn't want to work anymore.  Her bad leg is totally dead now.  On top of it, her one bad hand, she keeps working on to try and keep it working, but it is dying as well.  If she looses both arms... I have no idea what we are going to do.  We won't be able to take care of her anymore.  She is in screaming agony 24/7.  She sleeps all the time.  She struggles to breath all the time.  It is just heart breaking.  Her spinal diseases are just brutal, not to mention her heart and respiratory problems.

then there is Carol....  It just crushes my heart to see her suffering.  Everyday I am reliving loosing my dad.  To have both my mom's fading away.  I feel totally broken.  It just isn't right.  I have been trying to prepare myself (to the degree possible) because the docs have told us we will loose mom.  But I wasn't prepared to possibly loosing Carol at the same time.  Just how does anyone prepare for that?

I have days I wish I wasn't allergic to anti depressants.  I could sure use some Prozac right about now.  Well, at least Jehovah's Prozac doesn't give me a head to toe rash.  I know the only thing that is keeping me going, is my morning worship.  It just calms me and braces me for the day.  If I miss a day... whoa!!!  So I will say a few extra prayers today to help me endure.  I will try to keep my mind busy the best I can.