On Thursday, my mom was over and she helped me finish the puzzle.  I'm so glad it is done.  It was so hard to do. Then she wanted to start another one, so we did, but it was a much easier one, Leon & teff sat down that night and worked on it most of the night, when I got up it was over half done, Lauren sat with me and we saved a little for grandma to do.  So that is done and i am glad.  I don't know if we will do another one.  i don't think i can handle it. Plus, I had a really hard time keeping myself out of my "sleep". 

It is a very strange feeling, I feel myself withdrawing, it is hard to find words so I just don't talk, but the feeling just as I am going is, I feel like a child, as if I am 3 years old, everything is simple in my mind, not simple, as easy, but simple as, simplified.  I count how many beans I have or whatever I have I count.  And then things that are funny normally, i don't laugh at, because I don't get it.  but I don't try to understand either.  Like a child in a group of adults, not understanding what anyone is talking about, the group might laugh, but the child doesn't understand what they are laughing about.

it is a very strange feeling. I really tried hard to pull myself out of it.  I was so worn  out mentally, I feel asleep real early that night.  plus, I was sweating so hard that day, trying to keep mentally alert. 

i wish i knew if there is something that sets it off or some sort of pattern as to when it is going to start, but i haven't figured it out yet. 

i just know, I don't want to be around people when I am like that.  other than my mom, Leon & the kids, no one has ever seen me when I am like that.  i don't want anyone to see me like that either.  It is happening more often, and is getting harder to pull out of.  it is actually painfully hard to pull out of, and some days i can't pull out of it at all.

for the past couple weeks, i have been waking up before 8 am.  when i am able i do some bible reading or read an article in one of the mags.  yesterday i got my WT lesson studied for when we are at the DC.  cause i am sure i will be to tired that week to get it done. 

well, today i am with it a bit more, so i am going to try and write a few letters, (for service).