Last night, EO said, I want to take you out to eat.  I said... OK.  We were going to go to the covered wagon and as we were turning I said, I would like to go to the Roadhouse some day.  EO said, lets go there now.  It was good.  I think we talked the whole time we were gone.  Mostly we talked about the kids but as they are so important to us, it was good.  We came right back home afterwards.  It was a little hard to do, as my back still isn't doing all that great.  But EO really has cabin fever, and needs to get out of the house and break up the winter routine more.  So I wanted him to be able to get out of the house. 

For the past few days... I the pain in my back is over my right kidney.... if it hadn't started with my whole entire back and neck, and just started as it is now, i would have thought my kidney is flared up, as I have passed enough kidney stones, i know what the swelling feels like.  Currently, that is how it feels that it is swelling (not the passing part).  So it is kind of making me wonder if something else might not be happening.  But... I just don't know, my neck today is bothering me again, soooo?   It is just a strange feeling and makes me question what is going on.

I am doing my best to keep up with my Bible reading and ministry.  I do plan to aux pioneer in March, and if my arm can manage it, I would like to aux in April too.  (the 30).  But, each year, my arm has really struggled by the end of the month, and now this year, my arm is far worse, that is why I hesitate to say if I can do it in April too.  If it wasn't for my stupid tendon issues, I would be aux all the time.  I had really hoped that the bros would extend the mini aux opportunity to more than one month, and how awesome that they did.  Colton is going to aux, I think Lauren and Steph will too.  IDK about EO though.  I am so temped to just go ahead and put April on the list.  Colton and Steph can't aux in April as that is when they go back to work full time.  Although I shouldn't say they can't, and who knows what will happen between now and then, as they just might keep it going.  Never know.

I need to post here... yesterday's post, I talked about Lauren, that she had come back from Stacy's and she was struggling with her depression... when i read that over, it almost seemed like I was implying there was a problem with her visit... I should have started another paragraph, as those were two separate topics.  So I just wanted to clear that up.

Lauren does struggle so much.  Steph does as well.  Like when it comes to giving talks.  We have tried everything we can think of to help them with giving talks.  Most people think they just get nervous.  There have been a number of people who say "I get nervous too" or "you just have to do it" or "pray about it" or "so and so gets way more nervous that you".  They really don't get it AT ALL!!!!!!   They vomit from the moment they get a slip in their hands to the day after they give it.... and it isn't just giving a talk, it is also being a householder.  When you get a slip for talk 2 weeks before hand, even if it was one week.  The vomiting is 50 times a day (not exaggerating)  they end up so dehydrated and weak, not to mention disoriented and unable to put two words together.  They have no color in their face, they shake uncontrollably, cry cry cry... then the dehydration also causes muscle cramps, and on Steph the vomiting causes blood vessels to come to the surface on her face and a rash also develops on her face that takes many days for it to clear up.   Lauren is now on meds for the panic attacks, the only thing is, it doesn't really help very much.  She managed to be a householder for mom, but Lauren paced and vomited and paced and vomited and paced and vomited and shook and shook and shook and cried and prayed like you have never prayed before.  After wards she always breaks down crying for so long.  Mom said she was scared looking at lauren because she had no color in her face and ... she said she just had no idea how badly these girls suffer.  The thing is they both absolutely HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE that they are like this.  They want more than anything to be normal.  The ministry is like this for them too. Oh and answering at the Hall.  They go through the same thing.  Yet, Steph can informal Witness, so she does it as much as she can.  They also go through this when it comes to having to make a phone call.  A single phone call... Granted they can call us or their grand parents but that is it.  People have told them to "suck it up" or "everyone gets nervous" ... for a person to go through this, Seriously?  I even am amazed at this... I never had a problem making a phone call, and I only get a little nervous before a talk or in the ministry... what these girls go through is beyond me.  Lauren has yet to find the a medication that will really help her.  Her options are limited.  IDK what to do for Steph, she can't take medication.  So she has to suffer through it.  So when Lauren manages to read a scripture at the meeting... it is taking all her strength to do so.  They (we all) look forward to the day when they won't feel like this anymore.