from the moment i woke up this morning, i have been cranky.  everything has been a real challenge, thinking, talking, being around others.  it just seems to be taking all of my energy to focus.  oh well. in this state i am in, it is making me feel very alone.  i'm missing Kelly.  it is hard not to dwell on her.  i just don't feel like i have anyone i can talk to, anyone who is not going to say "suck it up" or "move on" or just blow me off.  i sit and listen to others whine, gripe, complain about their lot in life or complain about others and they expect me to listen and be on their side.  It just annoys me, that when I need to vent, I'm told to "get over it", or just interrupted and they change the subject.  it just gets so old, and it wears me down when I am asked to carry everyone elses' loads but no one will help me with any of mine.

I know this all stems around my issues of not having value, and i know that comes from being told repeatedly that i am worthless.  i also understand that Satan will use this to break me down.  but i know too that tomorrow will be better than today and that Jehovah will help me to find a way to look past this propaganda. 

so for the rest of the day, i am just going to stay away from my heart ache and enjoy my cookie dough.  and then i will look forward to today being nearly over and tomorrow being here when i wake up.